As I approach my 40th birthday in April 2025, I find myself reflecting on the past few years—a time marked by both triumphs and challenges. I’m a 39-year-old husband and father of two young children, ages 6 and 4. My career as a portfolio manager keeps me busy from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day, with an additional two hours spent commuting round-trip. While life has many blessings, I can’t ignore the toll that stress, insomnia, and the demands of my professional and personal life have taken on my physical and mental health.
The Struggles of Work-Life Balance
The daily grind of a high-stakes job in finance, paired with the responsibilities of being a husband and father, often feels like walking a tightrope. My workday stretches long, with constant pressure to meet deadlines and make critical decisions that impact my clients. The commute, though manageable, only adds to the mental and physical fatigue. By the time I get home, my children are eager for attention before bed, but I feel exhausted, mentally drained, and sometimes irritable.
Family time should be a source of joy, but I find myself battling with my own internal struggles. How do I juggle being the best husband, father, and professional when my own well-being is slowly deteriorating?
The Shadow of Insomnia
One of the most debilitating issues I’ve faced in recent years is insomnia. Insomnia has been with me since my daughter was born nearly 7 years ago. It’s not just a restless night here and there, but a persistent condition that leaves me tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night. Lack of sleep affects every area of my life—from my mood to my ability to think clearly at work, to how present I can be for my family. The exhaustion spills over into my days, making it harder to perform at my best both professionally and personally.
I’ve tried everything: limiting caffeine, practicing mindfulness, even seeking professional advice. But the cycle continues, leaving me wondering if my lack of rest is a direct result of the stress I’ve carried for years.
My doctor tells me the only cause of insomnia is stress. She tells me to reduce my stress levels, she says it as if to suggest its easy for me to control this. While perscription drugs do exist to control this I refuse to take them as they will mess with my decision making abilities, a skill I am heavily reliant on to support my family.
Contrary to popular belief insomnia does not seem to leave you feeling tired. Quite the opposite. I will fall to sleep as soon as my head hits a pillow, typically around 11pm. Unfortunately I fail to stay asleep often waking anywhere between 00:30 – 02:00, and as soon as I’m awake I feel like I have too much energy, its like an adrenaline that prevents me falling back to sleep. Most nights I get up and watch Netflix or something, anything that will take my mind of the fact I can’t sleep. Occassionally I stay in bed, maybe I’ll listen to a podcast, I monitor the clock and watch as the hours drift by.
The issue is that the feeling of energy is an illussion. It’s not a real energy, it’s my body playing tricks on me. I try to go for a run or something thinking I may as well do something healthy if I’m not sleeping, only to receive a harsh reminder that my body isnt rested.
The Aftermath of COVID-19
In 2020, everything changed. The pandemic upended lives across the world, and mine was no exception. The pressure at work skyrocketed as markets fluctuated, and navigating the new remote work environment was a challenge. But it wasn’t just my professional life that suffered. Like many others, I became slothernly. Prior to Covid I would wake at 4.30am every morning, excited for my morning run. Twice a week I would head down to the local pool to participate in the swimming club and try to get in 2 miles before getting ready for work. I had a vision board which planned out my entire life. I was positive.
The closure of pools, and general routine meant that my pgysical health deteriorated and this in tern effected my mental health. I gained 10kg of weight (fat), and suddenly found physical tasks to be strenuous. I’d find myself out of breath after climbing the stairs for bed. My daily excercise consisted of getting out of bed and walking downstairs to the study to log on for another day in the same small room.
Since the end of lockdown I have struggled to regain my routine despite several attempts.
A Reflection on Six Years of Stress
Six years of constant stress have left their mark. From the pressure of my job to the demands of fatherhood and maintaining a household, I’ve carried a heavy load. There have been moments of joy and accomplishment, but they have been overshadowed by the overwhelming feeling that something has to change.
Stress has a sneaky way of affecting every part of your life. It manifests in physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, and fatigue. It affects your mood and relationships, leaving you feeling disconnected or withdrawn. And mentally, it clouds your ability to focus and enjoy the things that once brought you happiness.
Looking Ahead: What Needs to Change?
Reading over what I have read so far its not lost on my that this article is extremely depressing. My main goal is return to a default positive attitude and outlook. I apologise for the negativity so far, but I think it’s important that its acknowledged.
As I move closer to 40, I’ve come to a realization: I can’t continue this way. It’s time to reassess my priorities, my habits, and my approach to life. I want to be a better father, husband, and professional, but I know I can’t do it if I’m not taking care of myself first.
Here’s what I’m working on:
- Prioritizing Sleep: Sleep is non-negotiable. I plan on setting a bedtime routine and eliminating distractions to help improve my sleep. It’s a work in progress, but I know it’s a step in the right direction.
- Managing Stress: Finding healthy ways to manage stress is crucial. I’m looking to incorporating more exercise into my routine, even if it’s just a short walk after work. I’m also exploring meditation and mindfulness techniques to help calm my mind – I visitied a Buddhist retreat to get some insight (more on this later I’m sure).
- Seeking Help: I’ve realized that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether that’s seeing a therapist to work through mental health struggles or talking to a doctor about my insomnia, reaching out is an important part of the process. Unfortunately I have exhausted the avenues above and for me they havent been effective, although I would not discourage others from exploring them. Instead I plan to use mentors like Tony Robbins I was a fan of his when I was younger and it helpped me a lot. I may also look for spiritual guidance via the Bible and Buddhist teachings.
- Setting Boundaries: I know I need to set boundaries on my time. I dont know how yet, but I list it here as I know its essential to a healthy lifestyle.
- Physical Health: I am setting up a home gym – just a treadmill and a few weights. I need to commit an hour a day to physical conditioning. On top of this I will also look to improve my diet.
Embracing the Next Chapter
Turning 40 is a significant milestone, but I’m not daunted by it. In fact, I’m embracing it. I’ve learned that life isn’t always about pushing through and ignoring the warning signs. It’s about balance—taking the time to slow down, reassess, and care for my mind, body, and relationships. As I move into this next chapter, I’m focused on making healthier choices, both for myself and for the people I love.
The road to better health won’t be easy, but it’s a journey I’m ready to take. The first step is acknowledging where I am, and the next is making small, consistent changes toward a healthier, more fulfilling life. I know the challenges won’t disappear overnight, but I believe that with time, patience, and a renewed sense of purpose, I’ll find a path that works for me and my family.
As I head into my 40s, I’m looking forward to what’s ahead—because I know I’m finally ready to take control of my health and my future.
I hope this site keeps me honest and I hope it motivates others to take contol of their lives. I will be trying to post daily on stillgotmyhealth.com if you wish to keep up with my progress.
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